and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
