I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
