I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
