so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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