Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
