It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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