Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
