i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
