yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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