Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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