I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
