She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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