At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
