He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
