I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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