I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
