My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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