Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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