god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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