The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
