??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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