Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
