Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
