I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
