what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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