She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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