Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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