how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
