Christians are straight up FREAKS
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
