This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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