you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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