I wish my penis had an off switch
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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