I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
