Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize