turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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