My Higher Power is John Stamos
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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