I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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