im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
