so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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