Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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