One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
