I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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