Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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