I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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