Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
