WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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