I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
