Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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