hell yes lets make some ravioli
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
