Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
