Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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