I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize