I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
