it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
