he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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