Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
