well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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