He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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