I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
