escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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