Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
