Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
