i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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