If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
