I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
