She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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