i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
