One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
